Transcript chunk part1_00-23min.md

Transcript chunk part1_00-23min.md

[00:00:00–00:00:06] It would be a little bit more of a class than a kind of a lecture presentation.

[00:00:06–00:00:12] I learned something about marketing because I was told that the title of this initially

[00:00:12–00:00:18] was, how to negotiate when you absolutely have to have the deal?

[00:00:18–00:00:19] Well, that is a great time.

[00:00:19–00:00:22] I mean, that's a title that you would come for.

[00:00:22–00:00:28] I mean, everybody would come to hear, how do you negotiate when you have to have the deal?

[00:00:28–00:00:30] You know, everybody wants to know how to do that.

[00:00:30–00:00:32] They asked me, you know, what were you teaching it?

[00:00:32–00:00:37] And I would say, don't get in that position, or you absolutely have to have the deal.

[00:00:37–00:00:39] So it would be a very short session.

[00:00:39–00:00:48] So I changed the session to the one that you signed up for, which is conducting effective.

[00:00:48–00:00:55] We go share a little more pedestrian title, a little less exciting, but I think we'll go over some things.

[00:00:55–00:01:03] That may influence the way you think about negotiations.

[00:01:03–00:01:05] So who in here likes to negotiate?

[00:01:05–00:01:06] Raise of hands.

[00:01:06–00:01:11] So that's maybe 20% of the class.

[00:01:11–00:01:14] Who just dreads negotiation?

[00:01:14–00:01:16] That's even a smaller person.

[00:01:16–00:01:18] So the rest of you are kind of indifferent.

[00:01:18–00:01:19] You'll do it.

[00:01:19–00:01:24] You know, you'll eat your broccoli if you have to, but you're not looking for it too.

[00:01:24–00:01:28] The negotiation is the vegetables of your business life.

[00:01:28–00:01:29] You'll do it.

[00:01:29–00:01:30] You know, it's good for you.

[00:01:30–00:01:33] You know, you have to do it, but you don't absolutely love it.

[00:01:33–00:01:39] So who, and let's just take a second on what, those of you who like it, why do you like it?

[00:01:39–00:01:42] What is it you like about it?

[00:01:42–00:01:43] Now the hands disappear.

[00:01:43–00:01:44] Yeah.

[00:01:44–00:01:48] Well, compared to my engineering field when I knew everything was right or wrong,

[00:01:48–00:01:54] black or white, in negotiations, everything's great, and nobody can say I'm wrong.

[00:01:54–00:01:57] So you feel better about yourself.

[00:01:57–00:01:59] You don't get any bad at it.

[00:01:59–00:02:01] You don't get any good credit.

[00:02:01–00:02:04] You know, you can say you could have been a better.

[00:02:04–00:02:05] Yeah.

[00:02:05–00:02:06] Right.

[00:02:06–00:02:07] Yeah.

[00:02:07–00:02:09] The reason I want to negotiate is that typically I have high expectations.

[00:02:09–00:02:10] I have one.

[00:02:10–00:02:11] I'm going to go to a winner.

[00:02:11–00:02:13] I'm going to get better at all the other sides.

[00:02:13–00:02:16] So you're going to improve your situation?

[00:02:16–00:02:17] The situation.

[00:02:17–00:02:18] Okay.

[00:02:18–00:02:21] So you negotiate to improve whatever situation you're involved with.

[00:02:21–00:02:25] In complex situations, it's just really the case that you can make a deal about some

[00:02:25–00:02:26] local negotiation.

[00:02:26–00:02:32] So I look at it as just as a means to the end and get into the end as kind of the goal.

[00:02:32–00:02:36] On the flip side, doing win-win deals is really a lot of fun.

[00:02:36–00:02:37] Okay.

[00:02:37–00:02:41] So you see it largely as eating your broccoli, but sometimes you do get to turn it into a

[00:02:41–00:02:42] a little bit.

[00:02:42–00:02:46] Oh, I can't think of it.

[00:02:46–00:02:50] First, George Bush, you made the comment about how you hated eating broccoli.

[00:02:50–00:02:53] So I actually like broccoli too.

[00:02:53–00:02:54] Yeah.

[00:02:54–00:02:55] Yeah.

[00:02:55–00:02:56] I think the win-win thing is fun.

[00:02:56–00:02:59] And it's also like a piece that's like putting it in a puzzle.

[00:02:59–00:03:01] I approach it as to get into the person.

[00:03:01–00:03:02] Why do I want to eat it at all?

[00:03:02–00:03:03] Did you have to make it work?

[00:03:03–00:03:04] And you look at the win-win.

[00:03:04–00:03:05] That's fun if you make it work.

[00:03:05–00:03:08] So win-win agreements are fun.

[00:03:08–00:03:12] And you can negotiate the higher the percentage of deals you can get there.

[00:03:12–00:03:15] win-win, the more you like it.

[00:03:15–00:03:16] The other.

[00:03:16–00:03:19] I think that you got opportunity for creativity.

[00:03:19–00:03:22] It's one of the most creative aspects of this.

[00:03:22–00:03:30] It does allow you to fashion solutions according to usually different kinds of facts, different

[00:03:30–00:03:31] fact situations.

[00:03:31–00:03:36] So you get to be, you get to express some creativity.

[00:03:36–00:03:37] Other things?

[00:03:37–00:03:38] Yeah.

[00:03:38–00:03:45] You understand better what they want, where they want to go, and you can disclose it

[00:03:45–00:03:46] so well.

[00:03:46–00:03:47] Yeah.

[00:03:47–00:03:52] And I'll bet you, those of you who said you didn't like negotiation saw it as a way of destroying

[00:03:52–00:03:55] relationships, of stressing out relationships.

[00:03:55–00:04:01] So a lot of it depends on, you know, what are you doing to relationships as you negotiate

[00:04:01–00:04:02] with other parties?

[00:04:02–00:04:04] How about those of you who didn't?

[00:04:04–00:04:07] Let's get some more things you don't like about negotiation.

[00:04:07–00:04:09] Say, and I can do without this.

[00:04:09–00:04:10] What do you not like?

[00:04:10–00:04:13] Yeah.

[00:04:13–00:04:19] This makes me very uncomfortable to think that I do not have enough information to get

[00:04:19–00:04:21] the most out of this negotiation.

[00:04:21–00:04:25] And more often than that, I just regret the results.

[00:04:25–00:04:27] Thinking I could have done better.

[00:04:27–00:04:28] Okay.

[00:04:28–00:04:31] So you look back on it and you say, shoot, I got taken.

[00:04:31–00:04:34] I didn't get as good a deal as I might have gotten.

[00:04:34–00:04:38] I lost other things you don't like about, yeah.

[00:04:38–00:04:45] I was the time hopefully the person on the other side is where R is in a television team

[00:04:45–00:04:46] you're dealing with.

[00:04:46–00:04:52] But do get the, what I call amateur, like if I pound on the table, that's an effect of

[00:04:52–00:04:56] a effect of it, that can get intellectually and emotionally tiresome, you know what?

[00:04:56–00:04:58] You can get abused in the negotiation.

[00:04:58–00:05:02] And there's a whole lot of issues around power and information.

[00:05:02–00:05:08] If there's a disparity in power, leverage, information, and you're dealing with a party

[00:05:08–00:05:14] who's going to use that and take advantage that you can go out of the room feeling abused.

[00:05:14–00:05:16] Yeah.

[00:05:16–00:05:18] Yeah.

[00:05:18–00:05:23] I actually met with Donald Trump in his office in New York about 20 years ago before he

[00:05:23–00:05:25] was a huge cheese.

[00:05:25–00:05:29] But he was, well, no, he still had the same hair.

[00:05:29–00:05:35] And actually he tried to sell me an interest in the Washington generals.

[00:05:35–00:05:37] You know the Washington generals.

[00:05:37–00:05:43] This was a USFL football team that had drafted Herschel Walker.

[00:05:43–00:05:48] And so he was very proud of that and he was trying to sell me an interest in that.

[00:05:48–00:05:49] And I didn't fall for it.

[00:05:49–00:05:53] So that's my qualification for teaching a class on negotiation.

[00:05:53–00:06:02] Actually my qualifications is I have negotiated billions of dollars of transactions over the years.

[00:06:02–00:06:06] And I was literally hundreds if not a thousand different kinds of transactions.

[00:06:06–00:06:09] I was in the real estate business for 20 years.

[00:06:09–00:06:14] And I was actually the chief financial officer of a big real estate company for about 10 years.

[00:06:14–00:06:17] So I was negotiating debt deals and equity deals.

[00:06:17–00:06:22] And then partnered to partners and solving litigation.

[00:06:22–00:06:25] And so my life was a diet of negotiation.

[00:06:25–00:06:28] Just solid diet of negotiations.

[00:06:28–00:06:34] And then when I got done with that I started buying companies and it became a different diet of negotiation.

[00:06:34–00:06:37] So I've seen a lot of different kinds of negotiations.

[00:06:37–00:06:49] I have experienced the feeling of looking forward to a day when I'm negotiating with great anticipation and really loving it because I like the people on the other side.

[00:06:49–00:06:50] I like trying to problem.

[00:06:50–00:06:52] So I like being creative.

[00:06:52–00:06:53] I like all those elements.

[00:06:53–00:06:58] And I also have looked at certain days of negotiating where I dread it.

[00:06:58–00:07:01] I cannot wait to get the day behind me.

[00:07:01–00:07:07] So there's nothing intrinsic about negotiation to say you should like it or not like it.

[00:07:07–00:07:13] I remember teaching a real estate class here at Stanford about 10 or 12 years ago.

[00:07:13–00:07:17] And asking the class roughly the same question.

[00:07:17–00:07:22] But I did it in the form of who of you likes to buy a new car.

[00:07:22–00:07:27] And that was the most highly correlated question with who likes to negotiate and who doesn't.

[00:07:27–00:07:37] There are some people who absolutely hate the process of buying a new car because it feels like you come out a little dirty.

[00:07:37–00:07:42] You don't have it's an uneven information, uneven power and whatever.

[00:07:42–00:07:46] So it can be a bad experience.

[00:07:46–00:07:53] Well, who here are expert negotiators? Raise of hand.

[00:07:53–00:07:56] Every hand should go up.

[00:07:56–00:07:59] Every hand in the room should go up.

[00:07:59–00:08:04] You all are here in life because you have been superb negotiators.

[00:08:04–00:08:05] You would not be.

[00:08:05–00:08:11] And what is negotiating negotiation is getting what you want at a price that's acceptable to you.

[00:08:11–00:08:17] So you have paid prices to be at this place in your life that you're happy with.

[00:08:17–00:08:20] So you are expert negotiators.

[00:08:20–00:08:27] And I want to ventilate that a little bit and let you really kind of peer into what it is that you've been so good at.

[00:08:27–00:08:31] But first of all, here's maybe a little bit of a map for you.

[00:08:31–00:08:35] Start thinking about the terrain of negotiation.

[00:08:35–00:08:38] All of the conversations you have in life.

[00:08:38–00:08:42] If you think broadly about it, everything that you've done has been a negotiation.

[00:08:42–00:08:46] For those of you who are married, you're negotiating all the time.

[00:08:46–00:08:51] With your spouse, with your children, in your job, you're negotiating all the time.

[00:08:51–00:08:52] In school, your neighbors.

[00:08:52–00:08:56] Conversations are in effect a give and take.

[00:08:56–00:08:59] And there's a give get transaction.

[00:08:59–00:09:03] And usually the more informal they are, the more successful people feel.

[00:09:03–00:09:07] When you do with friends and family, usually they feel more successful.

[00:09:07–00:09:10] Then you get into these sort of where we think about negotiations.

[00:09:10–00:09:16] Entrepreneur is in this area of stylized negotiations where there are agreements.

[00:09:16–00:09:18] There are certain things that we negotiate.

[00:09:18–00:09:20] We sit down at a table.

[00:09:20–00:09:22] Somebody takes notes.

[00:09:22–00:09:23] We write it up.

[00:09:23–00:09:26] And there are certain things that we trade off.

[00:09:26–00:09:29] And then finally, very formal negotiations.

[00:09:29–00:09:34] These are typically ones that are done in arbitration or litigation where there are rules of evidence.

[00:09:34–00:09:38] Whereas a very structured narrow thing.

[00:09:38–00:09:40] And that one is not a very fun one.

[00:09:40–00:09:44] Although I've now spent four years in litigation, I'm good enough.

[00:09:44–00:09:49] In fact, I had one attorney say that I was the best witness he had ever run into.

[00:09:49–00:09:54] And I started liking negotiation or litigation after that.

[00:09:54–00:09:56] This was an opposing attorney too.

[00:09:56–00:09:59] So you feel pretty good about that.

[00:09:59–00:10:05] So what makes for successful negotiations across all of those?

[00:10:05–00:10:08] I recognize so many people from my past in here.

[00:10:08–00:10:15] It's going to be hard not to cold call on Angie here, FA here.

[00:10:15–00:10:19] So what makes for successful negotiations?

[00:10:19–00:10:24] If you think about successful negotiations, what do you think about?

[00:10:24–00:10:27] I've just had a successful negotiation.

[00:10:27–00:10:30] What's your self-talk?

[00:10:30–00:10:31] Yeah.

[00:10:31–00:10:33] Is that the right expectation?

[00:10:33–00:10:35] Okay, your expectations.

[00:10:35–00:10:36] Your expectations.

[00:10:36–00:10:38] You've set them the right way going in.

[00:10:38–00:10:39] They've been met.

[00:10:39–00:10:41] Therefore you've achieved your objectives.

[00:10:41–00:10:43] That's a successful negotiation.

[00:10:43–00:10:44] Yeah.

[00:10:44–00:11:02] How do you find out how that is by the line?

[00:11:02–00:11:05] How that is something I should find for.

[00:11:05–00:11:08] And then you'll just get a strategy.

[00:11:08–00:11:09] Okay.

[00:11:09–00:11:14] So some of it is how you define the terrain, how you and the other party perceive it and

[00:11:14–00:11:18] then are you able to execute in that perceived terrain?

[00:11:18–00:11:19] Bonnie?

[00:11:19–00:11:20] I haven't had it.

[00:11:20–00:11:24] When you define what wind is on your perspective because you're happy.

[00:11:24–00:11:29] But I see when on the other side is that the residual effect after they walked out the room

[00:11:29–00:11:35] and as time goes on, that they're not upset and don't kind of undermine and negotiate whatever the result was.

[00:11:35–00:11:36] So they were happy too.

[00:11:36–00:11:41] Because you are thinking more broadly than a lot of business people think about negotiation.

[00:11:41–00:11:45] I mean, these are what I would call enlightened comments about negotiation.

[00:11:45–00:11:48] Here's what most business people are negotiating.

[00:11:48–00:11:54] This is the essence of most business agreements.

[00:11:54–00:11:55] These five things.

[00:11:55–00:12:01] So they're focused on getting the best price, getting the most attractive terms,

[00:12:01–00:12:07] making sure that whatever time frames for execution are deliverables, whatever are acceptable,

[00:12:07–00:12:10] making sure the warranties are in place.

[00:12:10–00:12:12] And then if things go wrong,

[00:12:12–00:12:14] they've got remedies.

[00:12:14–00:12:15] They may be legal remedies.

[00:12:15–00:12:16] They may be economic remedies.

[00:12:16–00:12:18] They're probably a combination of both.

[00:12:18–00:12:23] So most business negotiations, which is in this stylized category in the middle,

[00:12:23–00:12:28] is so focused on me getting what I want in these five areas.

[00:12:28–00:12:31] And people don't think more broadly than that.

[00:12:31–00:12:42] If people who do a lot of negotiating around these things talk about these techniques,

[00:12:42–00:12:53] does anybody not run into these before as sort of things that are taught in negotiation?

[00:12:53–00:12:56] Clies are any of these new to any of you surprising.

[00:12:56–00:13:01] The bathroom one is a commonly used technique.

[00:13:01–00:13:05] Feed the person a lot of water and a lot of food.

[00:13:05–00:13:07] And then just keep talking.

[00:13:07–00:13:08] Keep the pressure on.

[00:13:08–00:13:11] So using the bathroom breaks is a powerful.

[00:13:11–00:13:14] If you're using techniques, you know,

[00:13:14–00:13:17] what do I mean by plain?

[00:13:17–00:13:19] They've got a plain to catch.

[00:13:19–00:13:21] They're scheduled exactly.

[00:13:21–00:13:23] They've got to catch a plain.

[00:13:23–00:13:26] And so you just carry on then to go chase.

[00:13:26–00:13:28] You speak slowly.

[00:13:28–00:13:30] You make things drag out.

[00:13:30–00:13:32] You disagree at the last minute.

[00:13:32–00:13:33] Just as they're running for their planes.

[00:13:33–00:13:35] Oh, you do the Colombo thing.

[00:13:35–00:13:38] You know, one more thing.

[00:13:38–00:13:43] You know, if any of you've been subject to any of these,

[00:13:44–00:13:49] what does it feel like?

[00:13:49–00:13:54] You have to assess whether it's almost too incompetent

[00:13:54–00:13:56] or is it actual bad faith?

[00:13:56–00:13:57] And that can be difficult.

[00:13:57–00:13:59] And it's annoying to have the, even have that experience.

[00:13:59–00:14:01] Either case, what do you feel?

[00:14:01–00:14:05] You're dealing with an incompetent party or a bad actor.

[00:14:05–00:14:07] The question you were talking about is the work that you've created.

[00:14:07–00:14:08] The big shame?

[00:14:08–00:14:09] Yeah.

[00:14:09–00:14:13] Very few people don't recognize these.

[00:14:13–00:14:17] If you're on the other side, it's not like, oh my gosh, what is happening?

[00:14:17–00:14:18] I don't know.

[00:14:18–00:14:19] I don't understand.

[00:14:19–00:14:21] This is sure working on me.

[00:14:21–00:14:27] You know, most of the time you perceive immediately these techniques.

[00:14:27–00:14:28] And you resent them.

[00:14:28–00:14:30] You're angry about this.

[00:14:30–00:14:33] So in terms of techniques that people teach, you know,

[00:14:33–00:14:37] I think these are anti-successful agreement techniques.

[00:14:37–00:14:42] You may get a deal done, but you're unlikely to get a deal that is lasting

[00:14:42–00:14:45] enduring, flexible, where you build relationships,

[00:14:45–00:14:47] where you create solutions.

[00:14:47–00:14:52] But these are used all the time, mostly by investment bankers.

[00:14:52–00:14:54] I'm just kidding.

[00:14:54–00:14:55] Sorry.

[00:14:55–00:14:56] Sorry.

[00:14:56–00:14:57] I know.

[00:14:57–00:15:01] Could you turn the tape off up there?

[00:15:01–00:15:04] I have one other technique, which I've run into quite a lot of dealing with competitors,

[00:15:04–00:15:08] which is during a set of complex long, long negotiation,

[00:15:08–00:15:14] and of course, the months you've discovered that in the first of the

[00:15:14–00:15:19] supposedly good faith negotiation, the competitor, for example, has been actually

[00:15:19–00:15:23] promoting something completely different for talking to somebody else.

[00:15:23–00:15:27] And the explanation you get when you protest is, I'm very sorry.

[00:15:27–00:15:29] We had no idea that was going on.

[00:15:29–00:15:30] Yeah.

[00:15:30–00:15:31] The improvisation in the United States.

[00:15:31–00:15:32] Yeah.

[00:15:32–00:15:33] Or just innocent.

[00:15:33–00:15:34] You know, I had no idea.

[00:15:34–00:15:35] Or hope I got.

[00:15:35–00:15:36] Yeah.

[00:15:36–00:15:37] Yeah.

[00:15:37–00:15:38] Yeah.

[00:15:38–00:15:41] Which puts you on your heels, puts you at a disadvantage.

[00:15:41–00:15:42] Maybe there are others.

[00:15:42–00:15:47] Anybody in your experience, other obvious techniques that are being used to gain power.

[00:15:47–00:15:48] Yeah.

[00:15:48–00:15:49] John.

[00:15:49–00:15:50] We were locked in the room once.

[00:15:50–00:15:51] Yeah.

[00:15:51–00:15:55] I mean, it was the kind of amateur that he's acting early days and used to grow up.

[00:15:55–00:15:57] And we just climbed out the window.

[00:15:57–00:15:58] Oh.

[00:15:58–00:15:59] I don't know.

[00:15:59–00:16:02] There are a lot of interesting stories.

[00:16:02–00:16:03] There's another one.

[00:16:03–00:16:04] Yeah.

[00:16:04–00:16:05] Like, which.

[00:16:05–00:16:15] There's a developing in terms of having experience, having a kind of creative time where I was sitting across the table.

[00:16:15–00:16:19] The gentleman who was doing a spoke, at least, didn't claim to this book in any English.

[00:16:19–00:16:20] Yeah.

[00:16:20–00:16:22] And so I had a translator, fortunately.

[00:16:22–00:16:24] And so that was one kind of interesting barrier.

[00:16:24–00:16:30] Because I was pretty sure that he understood English and a variety of reasons.

[00:16:30–00:16:32] And a smoke was also another.

[00:16:32–00:16:35] It was an out of smoke, and like, you know, Stan smoke.

[00:16:35–00:16:39] And I tried my hardest to make sure that he didn't know that.

[00:16:39–00:16:42] Because that's certainly affected kind of the way.

[00:16:42–00:16:45] It helps how he wanted to spend in this four by eight room.

[00:16:45–00:16:46] Yeah.

[00:16:46–00:16:47] It was very interesting.

[00:16:47–00:16:50] So making things physically uncomfortable or getting a leg up through language.

[00:16:50–00:16:55] There's another way that I see language used in that is abusive language.

[00:16:55–00:17:01] You know, people that start dropping F bombs or shouting, you know, cursing at you, whatever.

[00:17:01–00:17:03] They believe they get a leg up.

[00:17:03–00:17:09] And in some ways, most of us kind of, we go a little bit on our heels when somebody starts cursing at us

[00:17:09–00:17:11] or they raise their voice or something.

[00:17:11–00:17:18] I mean, as tough as you may be, if somebody starts doing that, there's something in the inner child of all of us that

[00:17:18–00:17:21] recoils a little bit and is back on our heels a little.

[00:17:21–00:17:24] Now it can cause you to come back in like manner.

[00:17:24–00:17:29] It can cause you to get to that level yourself, which may or may not be a good thing.

[00:17:29–00:17:37] So I had actually the opposite happens to me once where we were having issues and then you couldn't come to an agreement.

[00:17:37–00:17:43] And then they came back and they were actually, you know, they could do more than what they were saying.

[00:17:43–00:17:45] They gave me everything.

[00:17:45–00:17:50] So they were treated with kindness and then they were coming back and changed it again.

[00:17:50–00:17:54] So it was the opposite of using a abusive language.

[00:17:54–00:17:58] So it's kind of the loop leg, you know, and yeah.

[00:17:58–00:18:01] Where people use different techniques to deceive, Annie.

[00:18:01–00:18:06] So do I have a feeling you're going to tell us ways to actually do this that aren't these ways.

[00:18:06–00:18:11] But let's see these guys examples where you actually are faced with people like this on the other side of the table.

[민감정보 가능성이 있어 이 줄은 공개 페이지에서 숨김]

[00:18:16–00:18:19] sort of feeling like this is the company I really want to buy.

[00:18:19–00:18:22] Or this is the job that I really want to get.

[00:18:22–00:18:23] Yeah.

[00:18:23–00:18:26] And you don't really have as many options, but these people are actually coming at you with these techniques.

[00:18:26–00:18:27] Yeah.

[00:18:27–00:18:28] What would you advise us to do?

[00:18:28–00:18:29] Well, let's have the group.

[00:18:29–00:18:37] I'll give you the way I react to it, but anybody in the group, you know, somebody is using one or more of these on you.

[00:18:37–00:18:38] Yeah.

[00:18:38–00:18:41] So calling them on it is one really thing to say.

[00:18:41–00:18:49] You know, I've actually done this in a litigation where the opposing attorney was deposing me.

[00:18:49–00:18:54] And he stood up and got right in my face and started to shout at me and he said,

[00:18:54–00:18:58] why did you do such and such?

[00:18:58–00:19:00] And, you know, it really is off putting.

[00:19:00–00:19:08] And all it shows in the transcript is why did you do such and such.

[00:19:08–00:19:09] It's all it shows.

[00:19:09–00:19:11] That's all it shows.

[00:19:11–00:19:17] And if you answer the way you're feeling when somebody gets in your face and shouts at you in a cute and accused right away,

[00:19:17–00:19:19] you say, well, you son of a guy, I'll tell you the reason.

[00:19:19–00:19:21] You know, and you'll do it in a way that isn't effective.

[00:19:21–00:19:25] The most effective thing that I found was exactly what you're saying.

[00:19:25–00:19:28] I say, why are you standing up and raising your voice?

[00:19:28–00:19:30] I mean, that goes on the record.

[00:19:30–00:19:40] But it's so that's the most, you know, copy down way of doing exactly what you're saying is you really call them in a nice way.

[00:19:40–00:19:42] Why are you raising your voice?

[00:19:42–00:19:44] What makes you shout about that question?

[00:19:44–00:19:45] Why are you standing up?

[00:19:45–00:19:48] Why are you pacing the floor as you get all of it on the record?

[00:19:48–00:19:53] Now, you don't need to get it on the record in a normal negotiation, but calling them on it is one thing.

[00:19:53–00:19:55] What's another way that you could deal with that?

[00:19:55–00:19:58] That's where I started to talk about it.

[00:19:58–00:20:00] Questions are very effective.

[00:20:00–00:20:03] You know, just asking, just posing questions.

[00:20:03–00:20:12] You know, that's always a very inoffensive way of taking the volume level down, getting information, cooling people off, another way.

[00:20:12–00:20:20] Why are you playing because if you're in this type of mode, the other person is not in good faith,

[00:20:20–00:20:23] most of the notions we're going to be doing, you need a relationship.

[00:20:23–00:20:27] The relationship is usually a lot more important than the actual ability to finally end up with a lot of cases.

[00:20:27–00:20:29] So I mean, I think you do have to call a monitor.

[00:20:29–00:20:31] You have to say, you know, what's your purpose here?

[00:20:31–00:20:35] And you guys, if he's doing one and you're doing another, it doesn't make sense.

[00:20:35–00:20:39] You guys have to be both wanting to deal and both wanting to best win win.

[00:20:39–00:20:40] And he's a big hit-down.

[00:20:40–00:20:43] He has such power and such an advantage.

[00:20:43–00:20:50] And you really do need the deal that they get away with more, that it's tough to raise them to that level.

[00:20:50–00:20:55] When there's such a disparity in terms of information or power, that it can be very tough.

[00:20:55–00:20:59] I'll tell you what I try to do is make it completely ineffective.

[00:20:59–00:21:02] Just make it so either I ignore it.

[00:21:02–00:21:05] I just don't pay attention to what it is they're doing.

[00:21:05–00:21:08] By that, I mean, I don't drink water.

[00:21:08–00:21:14] I am able to out- my bladder is better than their bladder.

[00:21:14–00:21:24] Or I will plan my trip with an extra night of hotel room and I'll have an extra flight out the next day.

[00:21:24–00:21:28] So I'm not anxious about, I'll let them know I'm leaving at five o'clock tonight.

[00:21:28–00:21:31] Oftentimes they'll push the thing up and I just don't sweat it.

[00:21:31–00:21:32] We stay.

[00:21:32–00:21:35] And I'm pretty soon to me it becomes a question.

[00:21:35–00:21:37] Well, let's keep working.

[00:21:37–00:21:39] I've missed my plane. Let's work.

[00:21:39–00:21:42] It's 11 at night. No problem. I can keep working.

[00:21:42–00:21:47] Well, I mean, you kind of make it so that the game that they've set up hurts them.

[00:21:47–00:21:50] So they really pay the price for whatever game they say.

[00:21:50–00:21:52] So make it ineffective.

[00:21:52–00:22:00] So these techniques really can sometimes work marginally in the short run on some people,

[00:22:00–00:22:03] not really very powerful long term techniques.

[00:22:03–00:22:06] Now, if you look at textbook discussions of negotiation,

[00:22:06–00:22:08] you run into these terms.

[00:22:08–00:22:12] And I'm not going to talk about the, I want to talk really today about very practical,

[00:22:12–00:22:14] real world situations.

[00:22:14–00:22:16] But these are, this is the terminology.

[00:22:16–00:22:17] You're right.

[00:22:17–00:22:21] So, you know, some of you are going to take classes or have taken classes in negotiation.

[00:22:21–00:22:28] These will not be unfamiliar terms to you in the lexicon of negotiation.

[00:22:28–00:22:31] So here are some practical keys to successful negotiation.

[00:22:31–00:22:34] And these will look just so simple minded, which is, in fact,

[00:22:34–00:22:38] what most really practical things are born of experience.

[00:22:38–00:22:41] But the first thing is negotiate with the right part.

[00:22:41–00:22:45] I'm going to tell you a half a dozen stories here before we wrap up,

[00:22:45–00:22:49] where you'll see how I learned these particular lessons, I think.

[00:22:49–00:22:51] But get with the right party.

[00:22:51–00:22:56] You would be amazed at how many negotiations go on with the wrong party,

[00:22:56–00:23:01] with the unempowered lieutenant, with somebody who really is not the decision maker,